Where Are You Christmas
by RollinsFrostFan
Summary: Little Christmas fic, Olivia invites Amanda and Jesse to spend the holidays with her and Noah. Amanda agrees as it would be fun for Jesse. Al is a prick and Amanda sees his true colors. Just kinda fluffy for a Christmas fic. Hope you enjoy


**_Early Afternoon Christmas Eve..._**

She watched as Liv got festive with the decorations at the precinct. She knew she should be more festive this year especially for Jesse but she wasnt. The holidays just werent her thing. So many of them ruined for her when she was younger between her parents fighting and her father's incesent gambling. Shit half the time she and Kim were lucky to get a tree and it be decorated let alone presents. What was worse was Liv had the festive music playing. Carisi and Fin were joking around and having fun. Carisi had put a wreath around his neck and Fin was walking around with a mistletoe. He waved it infront of her and she smiled. Happily giving him a kiss on the cheek. He laughed "that's my girl. Then chanting 'haha Rollins kissed me'." She giggled and they got back to hanging their decorations. Suddenly a song came on the radio, _"Where Are You Christmas"_ by Faith Hill. It kind of spoke to her.

Liv was decorating her office and dancing around, Amanda swore she was possessed by elves she was so festive, especially after getting Noah. That boy meant everything and thensome to Olivia. Liv saw Amanda watching and smiled. She wanted the blonde to have more fun, to lighten up actually. She also wanted to invite her and Jesse over for Christmas. Be a great time for the kids to play and for her to have some girl time with her friend. She also didnt know if Rollins had plans with her boyfriend Al. Hell she didnt even know if the two of them were still together as she and Rollins hadnt been hanging out as much lately. She fixed her shirt as it had risen up while she was hanging her decorations in her office. She decided to call Rollins in her office. Stepping to her office door she looked out and saw Rollins just sitting at her desk, she looked out of sorts and kind of miserable. Low and behold she had just gotten a text from Al that obviously wasnt meant for her the way it was worded.

 **"Rollins would you come into my office please?"** Rollins nodded and got up. The boys who were in a super playful and even just a bit immature mood started chanting " _Oohh Rollins got called to the principal's office. Oooh you're in trouble._ " She couldnt help but laugh. Fin usually tough as shit acting like a child with Carisi was really funny. She threw the tinsel ball at them. "Yall are a bunch of assholes you know that." Carisi looked at Fin "Oh Amanda called us 'assholes'. We better get back to business." As she continued to make her way to Liv's office Fin got ahold of the helium tank. He had started to sing "Jingle Bells" in the high pitch voice. Carisi was cracking up and even Liv was chuckling when Amanda came into her office. "You wanted to see me Liv?" Just then Amanda's phone vibrated again. Apparently this text that she got was a group text cause she had gotten the reply. " _So a threesome at your house, before you go to your girlfriends? We can do that_." and then his reply " _If any of you know my girlfriend DONT say a word. I dont want her to feel shitty cause she's lacking in bed_ " Amanda shoved her phone back in her pocket. Liv arched her brow when she saw Amanda's face crumble. "Everything okay Amanda?" Amanda shrugged, Liv could tell she was bothered so before she asked about spending Christmas with her and Noah she wanted to know what was up. "Honey come in and have a seat. Something's clearly got you upset." Amanda didnt say anything but came in and sat down like she was asked. While she did that Liv shut the door and closed the blinds to give Amanda some privacy. "It's nothing I can't handle. But um what did you call me in here for?" Liv knew there was more, Amanda may be able to say nothing's wrong and hide, but her eyes told a whole nother story. Liv didnt want to get her so upset that she would just say no to coming over so she dropped it. "Since neither of us has really no family up here how would you and Jesse like to spend Christmas with Noah and I?"

Amanda thought for a minute. She wanted Jesse to have as normal a Christmas as possible. "Sure Liv. That will be nice. Jesse will enjoy it. I'll get her gifts in the car, you dont mind if Santa comes for her at your place do you?" Liv smiled. "Of course not. That's the whole reason I invited you guys over." Amanda bit her lip. "Thank you Liv. I appreciate it. When should we come over?" Liv looked at her, you could tell she wanted to come over as soon as she could but she didnt want to bother Liv. "Honey you can come over anytime. My door is always open." Just then Fin knocked on the door and peeked his head in "Leiu we are all set out here. It's pretty quiet what you say we call it a day and go home?" Liv was in agreement and sent everyone home. Since it was early still Amanda let Jesse stay at the day care and headed home to quickly load up her car with the gifts as well as clothes for the next couple of days. She got to her place, took her a couple of trips to load up the car with the gifts in the trunk. She put Al's things in a bag and was going to drop them off on her way to grab Jesse. Oh what a surprise she was going to be in for.

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Al's House...

 _When she got to the house she was a bit surprised. He hadnt told her that he'd be having a party tonight. Shit she thought if he was that he would invite her. Unbeknownst to her this wasnt the type of party she'd want to be at. She waited a few minutes and got up her nerve to walk up to the door with his stuff. She knocked, no answer but a really loud bang. So Amanda being Amanda pounded on the door like the cop she was. Oh the one who answered the door. She told the unclothed woman in a sheet that she was here for Al._

"Al... you're other girl is here for the party." Al came to the door in his boxers and his member hanging free. "Mandy, baby what are you doing here?" Amanda rolled her eyes to keep the tears from falling. The damn texts proving true. She threw his bag at him, hissing " _So are you going to introduce your girlfriend who lacks in the sheets to your friends here?_ " He looked at her. "Lacks in the sheets? What are you talking about Amanda?" She growled this time " **Dont fucking bullshit me. I got those group texts earlier. Did you bother to check who you sent the messages to?** " He looked at her again, "Oh shit you saw those? I can explain." She threw his key at him. "Dont fucking bother. Do me a favor though never contact me again and oh go fuck yourself." She stormed off back to her car. She had to get Jesse. She put the radio on and what comes on. "Where Are You Christmas" Amanda hit the steering wheel " _Oh fuck me, you gotta be kidding me. Come on."_ She took off going to get her baby girl. Picking her up she couldnt help but smile. Her baby girl had drawn a pic for her. "Mama do you like my pic?" She kissed her forehead as she buckled her in. "I love your pic babygirl. It's beautiful. So I talked to Santa earlier and told him that we are staying at Auntie Liv and Noah's so he's going to bring your gifts there. How's that my babygirl?" Jesse was excited, she wanted to see Noah. "So Noah and I get to leave Santa double treats. He's gonna be spoiled." Amanda nodded yes and laughed her answer " _Yes he is_."

The drive to Liv's place wasnt long thankfully. Jesse babbling off in the backseat bout how much fun she was going to have with Noah. Her next words blew Amanda's mind. " _Mama I'm glad we are spending Christmas with Aunt Liv and Noah. Mr. Al isnt nice, he yells at you too much. I dont like that. He is supposed to be nice to you._ " Hurt Amanda, they always say that kids hear everything they arent supposed to and this meant she had heard the fights she and Al had even though she had tried to keep it down. "Baby girl let's not talk about him. We are going to have fun with Auntie and Noah. I bet if we ask real nice Auntie will let all of us make cookies for Santa." When they got there Jesse gave Liv a big ol hug. "Auntie Livia it's soo good to see you. Make mama smile will you?" Liv hugged the girl back and told her to find Noah. Liv then hurried outside to help Amanda with her "santa gifts" they got them in the house and hidden in her bedroom with a quickness. She hissed playfully " _Jesus Amanda, did ya get her enough stuff? Holy hell._ " Amanda laughed "Uh huh Liv dont play me, you got Noah just as much if not more hidden in here, so I dont wanna hear it." Both the women laughed. Amanda put the bag of clothes by Liv's closet. Her crystal blue eyes looking at Liv, "Sure you dont mind us here? Christmas is for family." Liv put her hand on Amanda's shoulder and looked her right in the eyes. "Sweetie what do you think you and Jesse are? You two are family. So no I dont mind you here, if I did I woudnt have asked and it was my idea. Now come on let's get out there and make some cookies." She opens the bedroom door and yells out "WHO'S READY TO MAKE COOKIES FOR SANTA?" The kids squealed with delight. Liv got all the stuff out for the cookies, the kids were excited. They made a sheet of chocolate chip cookies and a sheet of sugar cookies. Amanda smiled, looked at the kids and then at Olivia "I think Santa is going to be very happy with his treats. The kids were proud of thier decorations on the cookies as well. Now was the time to let them cool some more and sit down. Liv brought out the beloved "Twas The Night Before Christmas" book and she and Amanda took turns reading. Made it so much fun for the kids.

It got to be late so they had the kids leave out their treats for Santa. They left cookies and milk for Santa and they left carrots and apples for the reindeer. It proved to be a feat getting them in bed as they were excited. Amanda looked at them, "my sweet kiddos ya'll gotta get to sleep so Santa will come." Both the kids shrieked in delight. They nodded and both kids getting hugs and kisses from both Liv and Amanda "Okay 'mommies' we will go to sleep. We love you, see you in the morning." With that the adults left the room, closing the door. Once back out to the couch they sat, they had to make sure that the kids were asleep before unloading their haul.

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Liv poured them each a glass of wine, everyone knew Liv enjoyed her glass of wine at the end of the day. "So Amanda what happened with Al earlier? You looked so hurt and upset. I'm not trying to be nosy but I am worried." Amanda looked at her. Embarrassed once again cause she had been played by this asshole. But this was the last time, she wasnt going to let him do it again. "Well to start off I was receiving texts I shouldnt have been getting and they were from him and his hoes arranging for a party. I showed up to give him his shit back and one of the chicks Liv, I swear to god answered the door in barely a sheet. She asked me if I was joining them in their fun. Obviously I wasnt she got Al to the door and shit went off from there. He had on just his boxers. I told him about the texts and he was dumbfounded. I threw his shit at him and left. Went to pick up Jesse and told her we were coming over here. She was so excited. Then she said she was happier coming over here, that she didnt like Al, that he was mean and she doesnt like when he yells at me." Amanda took a swig of her wine, she knew she shouldnt let this get her down but his words hurt. Liv rubbed her arm gently, "Sweetie I'm sorry." Amanda nodded understandingly, she knew that Liv understood the hurt she felt. Amanda looked at her, "All I wanted for Christmas was for Jesse to have a family. Two adults and a child. Guess thats not happening." Liv sat back after taking a sip of wine. Thoughts in her head " _do I tell her? do I let her know? will she even reciprocate the feelings?_ "

They kept quiet for a bit and then retrieved the gifts to put under the tree. Man between the two kids they had gifts for days. It didnt matter to them, what mattered is the smiles from the kids in the morning. Amanda was relieved that they got everything done and that her babygirl was going to have a great Christmas, thanks to her and Liv helping. "Liv I appreciate this. Jesse is going to be so happy spending Christmas with people who want her around." Liv got the feeling there was more to what Al did besides what she had been told. Amanda avoided Liv's eyes "I uh guess we should get some sleep, the kids are going to be up at the asscrack of dawn." Liv this time reached out again. "Amanda talk to me. You know I care about you and Jesse a whole lot." Amanda nodded and spoke softly. "Yeah I do. It's just not the same though. Granted I care bout you and Noah a whole lot, its not the same as from a partner." Amanda looked away as she didnt want Liv to see the tears in her eyes. She didnt want to explain her feeling of abandonment or feeling of being unworthy of love. It just hurt too much. Liv wanted to break through to Amanda and let her know that hey she was there no matter what. "Amanda honey you will get that. Someone is going to come along who's going to love you and Jesse. You both are very worth it honey." Amanda shrugged "If you say so. I wont hold my breath though." Amanda laid her head back on the sofa. Liv leaned back as well, grabbing a hold of Amanda's hand "Sweetie you are very worth it especially to me, Noah and of course Jesse." Amanda replied softly, "Thank you Liv, that means alot." After a little bit they got up to get refills on their wine and take bites out of the cookies. They finally sat back down and no sooner did that they dozed off.

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Christmas Morning...

"Mama Mama wake up, wake up. He came. Mama Santa came." Amanda's eyes fluttered open to her oh so excited little girl screaming with excitement. Noah doing the same to Liv, and Liv trying to hide under a pillow. Amanda snatched the pillow with a quickness. "Uh uh Liv, nice try... Im not gonna be the only one awake. Wake your ass up." Liv laughed and whined " _But please just give me five more minutes._ " Amanda beaned Liv with the pillow this time "Five more minutes my ass. Wake up." Amanda was laughing her ass off, she went to pull Liv up so the kids could get started and Liv kissed her. "Merry Christmas Amanda and oh to me you are so worth it and more." Amanda hugged her. Then both of them told the kids to have at it and they watched the pure joy of their kids opening their gifts. Liv held onto Amanda and Amanda laid her head on Liv's shoulder. "Merry Christmas Liv, and thank you. I guess my ' _where are you christmas'_ is right here with you and our kids. The family I have searched for so long, I finally have." Liv had to shut her up and she kissed her again. They snuggled and watched the kids still having fun opening their gifts.


End file.
